What You Might Expect

We all fear the unknown. Not knowing what to expect from counseling is enough to prevent countless people from ever gracing counselors’ doors. Such fear is not limited only to potential clients. It’s also not uncommon for existing clients to quit counseling due to a lack of understanding about their rights and responsibilities in the counseling relationship. Knowing your rights and what is required of you is crucial to becoming an empowered client, both in and out of sessions. This chapter takes a look at things you might encounter in your sessions, your rights and responsibilities, your counselor’s responsibilities, how to make the most of each session, and how to keep positive momentum going between sessions. Even if you’re already active in counseling, this chapter can shed new light on how to make the most of your sessions and help you become more empowered throughout your counseling experience. 

How Can My Counselor Help Me?

Next time you visit a doctor, tell him you’ve spent some time on the Internet investigating your illness, and based on your symptoms, you’ve discovered exactly what ails you. Tell him you’re only seeing him to confirm what you’ve predetermined, and to get a specific medication. Next, you’ll likely notice him rolling his eyes, visibly expressing his assumption that you’re ignorant and misinformed. A number of physicians seem to dislike when patients play doctor, and this is quite possibly the biggest difference between the medical and counseling fields.

Now, next time you sit down with your counselor, explain how you’ve been researching and reading about what you both talked about in your last session. Tell about realizations you’ve concluded and ways in which you think you can improve yourself. Do this and you’re likely to see your counselor light up with excitement and pride, followed by an insightful and engaging session.

When you’re physically ill or injured, you see a doctor hoping to receive a correct diagnosis and instructions on what to do to feel better. Afterward, you leave and do what you’re told—take medication, do physical therapy, exercise more, and/or change your diet. Often times, there’s no follow up visit, but if there is, your progress is evaluated and your routine is adjusted if need be. You leave and continue to do as prescribed.

Counseling is similar in that you hope your counselor comes to a correct diagnosis (if a diagnosis is given), but different in that you partner with him or her in such a way to work together to help you figure out how to fix your own problems.  When meeting with your counselor, the attention from both sides should remain on you and your ability to be empowered.

The focus of change should be YOU, not someone or something else, because the only thing you can change is what’s happening in your life. 

It’s perfectly acceptable to go into a medical doctor’s office with the attitude of, “fix me up, Doc,” but if you go into your counseling sessions with the mentality that your counselor is there to fix your life, you are likely to find difficulty gaining any ground in your therapy. Eventually, you’ll stop going, as you won’t feel you’re moving forward when really you’re simply looking to the wrong person to correct your problems. If you begin your session, however, with the attitude that your counselor is someone who will help you fix your own life, your chances for success will greatly improve. Counseling is self-help.

Are My Secrets Safe?

Confidentiality is an essential part of the counseling relationship. Though the ethical integrity of every mental health practitioner cannot be accounted for, confidentiality is your right, and your counselor’s number one professional responsibility. Your counselor should speak to you early on about your rights and the limits of confidentiality according to the state in which he or she practices. It’s important that you’re informed and have an understanding of these rights and limitations so you can share with confidence. If he or she does not provide you with this information, or if you don’t fully understand, don’t hesitate to bring it up at the next session. You are entitled to know how your privacy is being protected.

What Should I Bring, and What Should I Take Away From My Sessions?

Try bringing pen and paper, a laptop, or tablet to take notes with. Just as you would for a class, jot down key points from your sessions to reflect on later. This simple action can increase your chance for success, as there is good evidence that the act of writing itself helps improve the ability to recall, especially important things, and the better, more detailed the notes, the more likely you are to remember.

For all the brainiacs reading along, let’s take a brief moment to look at some of the basic science behind writing, and why it’s so beneficial to the therapeutic process. (This topic will be fleshed out even further in the link on the Client Page titled “Journaling”) Your brain is divided into several regions that process different types of information—visual information, auditory information, verbal communication, emotions, etc.—and these regions work together. Here’s an example: imagine you’re listening to a love song while slow dancing with a romantic partner. Your brain processes the auditory information, and as a result, you experience an emotional response. The language center of your brain then strings together a verbal expression, and you speak to your loved one the words, “I love you.” 

In this case, the parts of your brain that handle hearing, emotion, and language were engaged, and information was passed to your short-term memory, but as it does, the brain doesn’t necessarily prioritize what should be remembered and what should be forgotten. Crucial information is treated exactly the same as trivial information, and both are subject to forgetfulness. In the example in the previous paragraph, you may remember what you said while dancing with your partner, but for the life of you, you can’t remember what song was playing, even though you swore you would never forget.

A detailed study of how the brain processes memory is beyond the scope of this text. Still, a basic explanation would be good for you to know. To keep things simple, try picturing your mind as a river system, and when you take notes in your sessions, imagine yourself as a prospector panning this river for gold. As mentioned earlier, your brain is divided into multiple regions that process information from your senses. Imagine these regions as springs of water that supply information about what your senses just detected. Brand new memories leave their springs-of-origin and flow downstream to form tributaries that feed into the river of your mind, which is your short-term memory. Here, memories either continue flowing safely into the ocean of your long-term store, or disappear forever from your mind, much like water evaporating into thin air.

Before the current of your mind has the chance to aimlessly direct the fate of your memories, the act of writing provides you an opportunity to wade out into your short-term stream and sift through the information much like a prospector panning for gold. In this sense, the bits and pieces of sensory information that are irrelevant or insignificant are sloshed aside, leaving only the heavier, more valuable gems that you desire to commit to paper. Basically, writing doesn’t necessarily help you remember more, but it does help to determine which information is more important, and ensure the important stuff stays with you.

Your notes may help your brain prioritize crucial information, but let’s not forget about the handiness of simply having a written record that highlights key points to review later. Not only will you have memories to take away from the session, thanks to your notes, you’ll also have something tangible to hold in your hands. This is especially important if your state of mind is troubled when you begin the session, as you will likely be too stressed, anxious, and worried to successfully retain what you and your counselor discuss. Your counselor may recommend a helpful book or movie. He or she may give a diagnosis, sometimes with a title that’s easily forgotten, and of course, he or she will tell you when your next appointment will be. These are just a few of the countless things that are helpful to write down, as recalling these things may prove difficult later. 

A simple pen and paper can be a valuable tool for taking your counseling work home with you, and as you review your notes, don’t be surprised if you find yourself jotting down questions to ask in the next session. In fact, nothing would make your counselor happier than you coming into your next session with a pad full of ideas and questions. Everyone can imagine the stereotypical therapist scribbling on a notepad saying, “How does that make you feel?” The best thing you can do is to reverse the roles. Next time, show up with your own pad saying, “This is exactly how I feel.” This proactive attitude will greatly fine-tune your counselor’s ability to discover the actual presenting problem. Above all else, don’t go into your session as a passive participant. Be active. Go in with a pen and paper expecting to get something out of it.

What Can I Do To Prepare Myself for My Sessions?

Do whatever is necessary to begin your sessions relaxed. This can be as simple as wearing comfortable clothes. If you are cold natured, bring a blanket and a warm drink. You may need to prepare yourself physically and emotionally for a session. If you don’t know how or lack the ability to do so, ask your counselor for help. If you feel overly anxious and think your excess tension could hinder your progress, ask your counselor to guide you through a relaxation exercise before beginning. You may even bring items from home to create tactile comfort and relaxation. Examples are a stuffed animal, a favorite pillow, or blanket to hold. Spend the first five minutes breathing deeply or even crying to create in you a stable frame of mind from which to give and receive. You may be the type of person who is afraid to cry around people, but keep in mind it’s nothing new for a counselor to see tearful, grieving, emotional clients. If there was ever a safe place for you to openly express your emotions, the counseling office is it.

One thing that sticks out about my time as a client was my wife shivering because she was cold in our first session. Next session, she brought a blanket to keep warm.  The blanket became a permanent fixture in our sessions, offering comfort and acting as reminder of the session when it was brought home.

Just like with the blanket, people don’t realize the importance of coming prepared. By the end of our counseling experience, I was bringing pen and paper, something to drink, and wearing cozier clothing. Think of it as bringing what you need for the work at hand. Sometimes counseling is hard work and emotionally taxing. You might need to bring “work clothes.” That is, something you feel relaxed in. My wife shivered, but you might sweat. If so, bring a towel! If your mouth gets dry when you’re nervous, bring a beverage. You get the idea.

I Like My Counselor, But Feel Uncomfortable With the Location Where We Meet; What Should I Do?

Your session should be a safe environment that fosters openness, honesty, and vulnerability. If it isn’t, you need to actively express how to make it that way. You may feel uncomfortable sitting in the spot designated for the client. If so, ask if you can rearrange the seating. Maybe you want to sit on the floor, or with your back toward the door. You may even want to sit in the counselor’s chair. If a table is available in the room and you would prefer to have something between you and the counselor, ask if you could sit there across from each other. The point is to make your environment comforting to you.

If weather permits, you may ask to go outside for a walk, as some people find the traditional counseling office scenario too confining. It’s important, however, you understand this may jeopardize your confidentiality and security. You’ll likely need to give consent, either verbally or in writing. 

Any Tips on Opening Up?

There will be times when painful instances and traumatic events come to the surface. When this occurs, be prepared to go deeper, even if it’s uncomfortable, and to express the genuine emotions derived from the intended therapy. Simply put, don’t try to hide how you feel. Your counselor is a professional who is used to seeing clients expressing all types of emotions, and is comfortable helping you—even with the ugly stuff. Be willing to let him or her into the places where trauma and pain occurred.

Openness is letting your counselor in to experience your pain, while allowing him or her freedom to give feedback. This level of trust may make you uncomfortable. It’s common that you may feel the desire to resist openness, and as a result, go on the defensive, wrongfully taking offense to things your counselor suggests. In this case, a “fight or flight” reaction can develop where you are expressing emotion, although the emotions expressed—aggravation, resentment, or isolation—are merely attempts to hide how you truly feel.

Your counselor, by no means, ever intends to offend or insult you, although he or she may occasionally ask questions or make observations that hurt your pride or dig up old wounds. If you ever feel disrespected by your mental health professional, chances are what you’re feeling isn’t the primary emotion. It’s more likely a counterfeit to redirect discomfort onto someone else. In this instance, take a closer look at your thought process and talk with your counselor about why you feel the way you do. If you’re able to control your emotions and communicate openly in this way, a deep trust will develop, one necessary for healing to occur more rapidly.

Any Tips on Being Honest?

You may be guilty of hiding more than just emotions. Be careful you don’t also hide the truth. This may be deliberate or unintentional, but either way, the result can greatly influence the help your counselor can offer. When you’re discussing a painful memory, be as detailed as possible because what you may think is trivial may be viewed as important to your counselor, and may affect how he or she proceeds with your therapy.

You own your perspective. You are the expert of your own life—your worldview, your experiences, and your own values. You hold the truth about yourself, but such a possession on its own is not enough. Without the ability to communicate it openly, you may be withholding information that is crucial to successful counseling. You have truth, so don’t be greedy with it. Withholding may make you your own saboteur, hindering your level of improvement.

What next?

After your counselor informs you that your time is up, you schedule the hour and date for your next appointment. You fold your blanket and put away your notepad. You feel good knowing you were proactive, using the face-to-face time with you counselor wisely. If you’re like most clients, however, this confidence is short lived the moment you leave, and are again faced with the struggles that brought you to counseling in the first place. But you don’t have to be afraid. You don’t have to be swayed by the whims of your troubled mind, feeling like you have nothing else to do but survive until the next time you see your counselor. Even though your session has concluded, now it’s time for the real work to begin.

You’ve been warned to avoid the “fix me” mentality, but even worse is the incorrect assumption that you must remain stagnant until your next appointment when your counselor can continue picking up the pieces of your life. You must develop a healthy frame of mind that encourages growth, and remain that way throughout your week. Remember, only you can change what’s going on in your life, and your counseling experience should by no means be limited to your counselor’s office. It’s crucial you continue your proactive approach even when you leave, and remain so until you return for another session.

Imagine paying a visit to a dietician who tells you your cholesterol is high because of your steady diet of fast food. You’re warned things will get much worse if you don’t make a change. Despite the caution and the advice you receive, you swing by a drive-thru on the way home. Why would you do such a thing? This is a question to ask about your commitment to counseling. If you aren’t doing things to make counseling more effective in your free time, you have no one to blame but yourself—certainly not your mental health professional. After all, it would be incorrect to blame the nutritionist for your poor health if you continue putting hamburgers and French fries to your lips. 

Counseling takes a great deal of work on your part, and this work can look like lots of different things. The other links on the Client Page will explain some various teachings and exercises designed to help you during the six days and twenty-three hours each week when you’re not sitting across from your counselor. These methods can be referred to as “homework”, and all homework assignments are intended to work in conjunction with your sessions to greatly enhance your counseling experience.

You may be chomping at the bit to get started with your homework, but it is recommended that you avoid diving in headfirst. Don’t attempt to master all the topics of each link at the same time. Instead, take baby steps, and develop a routine. Here’s an example: Let’s say you start out journaling every night, and this reveals how poorly you talk to others and yourself. This awareness allows you to adjust how you speak to your spouse. Nightly outbursts decrease as a result, allowing you more time to consistently practice relaxation and mindfulness techniques. Consequently, you fall into a steady nighttime ritual, and so on. 

Habitually engaging in faulty thinking and harmful behaviors may have landed you in your current predicament that requires counseling. If so, don’t expect to solve your problems with the same means that caused them. It’s time to develop a new way of life that encourages a healthy mind and body. Whether it’s journaling, exercising, meditating, taking a bubble bath, or reading before bed—do the same thing, same time, everyday. Success will come with time, but for now, with the help of your counselor, pick a homework assignment, strive to develop a routine, and watch the improvements naturally unfold.  

The Big Four

If you’ve ever stayed up late watching television, you know that most regularly aired programs fall by the wayside after 2:00 AM, replaced with channel after channel of infomercials advertising miscellaneous products. Therapeutic pillows, weight loss shakes, pills to improve libido, fitness machines, aerobic videos, and dietary supplements are but a few examples. As diverse as these products are, they all insinuate one thing—the possibility of a healthier, more enjoyable, more self-empowered life.

With so many options available for better living, you’d think humanity would struggle less. For most, however, satisfaction remains elusive because the problems people face are just as numerous, unique, and unusual as the plethora of products on the market. Therapeutic pillows claim to align your spine and allow for a better night’s sleep. Diet pills promote improved self-esteem and enhanced performance for shedding pounds. Fitness machine ads lead to fantasies about having a chiseled body like the models on the screen, and dietary supplements make claims of just about every kind. 

With so many options out there, who could blame you for feeling overwhelmed and insecure when it comes to purchasing what you need. If you take a closer look, however, you’ll notice that most of these products make promises that fall into one or more of the categories referred to in this chapter as The Big Four: sleep, exercise, nutrition, and recreation.

What’s so Special About the Big Four?

In comparison to other forms of homework, the Big Four are unique, distinguished as “outer-work”—physical actions and activities that improve how you function, both bodily and mentally. Whereas, the other assignments are better described as “inner-work”—practices intended to improve how you think and stimulate mental stability. When deciding which homework assignments to tackle first, it’s possible you’ll feel more drawn to The Big Four simply because they’re more commonplace. Certain inner-work methods like affirmation, mindfulness, or journaling may seem a bit foreign, or just not something you feel comfortable doing. If so, that’s fine. Begin with the Big Four, keep and open mind, and let the rest of your therapy unfold.

#1 Sleep

A recent survey found that 75% of people sleep less than six hours per night, and also experience sleep difficulties multiple nights per week. This likely comes as no surprise to you. Chances are you’re one of the countless folks who toss and turn until your alarm clock blares its unwelcome racket. Normal nightly restlessness can grow out of control, especially when influenced by the very sources of pain that brought you to counseling in the first place, like memories of a traumatic event and/or overwhelming stress. Troubles at home or work, worries about loss of possessions or relationships, a tanking economy—you name it. These are just a handful of any number of distractions that can keep your mind from releasing your body into rest. As unnerving as this is, there are even bigger concerns regarding the numerous health risks associated with prolonged sleep loss:

  • Cardiovascular health: long-term lack of sleep can lead to hypertension, increased stress hormone levels, high blood pressure, and irregular heartbeat.
  • Disease: Sleep deprivation alters immune function, increasing your chance of illness.
  • Brain Health: Sleep helps the brain process and commit important information to memory.
  • Metabolism and weight: Not sleeping can affect the way your body processes and stores carbohydrates. Also, appetite can be affected by shifting hormone levels—all of which can result in unwanted weight gain.
  • Mood: Lack of sleep can lead to irritability, impatience, moodiness, and inability to concentrate. This can also greatly affect what you do with your free time, making you too tired to enjoy the things you love to do for recreation.
  • Certainly, you’re familiar with health risks associated with losing sleep, but have you ever considered the flipside. In most cases, a side effect of restlessness can also be the reason you’re loosing sleep in the first place. The most obvious example is your mood. Sure, if you toss and turn all night, your state of mind will likely sour the next day, but chances are you’re fighting sleep because you’re upset by memories of something that happened previously. As the night drags on—staring at the ceiling—your mood grows worse, frustrated by the fact you’re still awake.

Perhaps you resist sleep due to fears about your health, but have you ever considered that your troubled mind and its resulting restlessness could cause your physical body to deteriorate much faster than it would if it were rested? Worries about your health become a greater threat, as frustration raises your blood pressure, causes your heart to flutter, and decreases immune and cardiovascular functions.

A vicious cycle begins. You grow to dread bedtime. You find yourself in a nightly struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep. You force yourself out of bed in the morning feeling even worse than when you attempted slumber. The cycle repeats.

Any advice on how to fall asleep? A recent national survey of 1,000 working adults found that nearly 25% of these individuals admitted to often doing tasks related to their jobs in the final sixty minutes before heading to sleep. If you’re having difficulty falling asleep, you should know that working right up until the moment you slip into bed, or even while you’re in bed, is one of the worst things you can do. The same can be said if you’re a student or parent.

You can improve your ability to fall asleep by developing a nighttime ritual. In much the same way as you would get a young child ready for bed, develop steps for your body to memorize as clues that you’re unwinding for the day. Example: about an hour before bed, take a warm bath, then put on some cozy pajamas and curl up on your sofa or in your bed with a good book and a cup of chamomile tea. Over time your body will become trained to respond to these actions, just as a newborn learns that after a bath, a bottle, and a few minutes of being rocked, it’s bedtime. If you wish to designate time to sleep, it’s important you also designate time to unwind, calming your mind, and warming your body.

Once you’ve prepared yourself for bed, your final step is to ready your bedroom by removing all distractions. Perhaps you watch TV, or browse on your laptop or cell phone to induce drowsiness. Instead, try turning off these electronic devices. Such mental stimuli may actually be contributing to your sleeplessness. Give an intentional effort to shake off your cares and distractions before going to bed.  Make your bedroom your sanctuary of slumber.

What about staying asleep? On nights when you fight tooth and nail to fall asleep, there’s nothing more frustrating than finally drifting into slumber only to abruptly snap back to wakefulness in a panic. Your thoughts pick right back up where they left off and tension returns to your body. Unless you experienced physical injury that currently causes you pain, you may find that the majority of problems that hinder sleep are all in your head. It is the complicated things in life that keep you awake—things like looming unemployment, rocky relationships, debt, death of a loved one, or an unpleasant desire for things to be different than they are. Your body wants to sleep but your brain won’t shut off long enough to let it rest.  One way to combat complicated thoughts is to fixate your mind on mundane things.

This is why people count sheep. There’s nothing special about sheep, but there is something about the exercise that works well to induce boredom. Imagining a never-ending series of identical sheep jumping over a fence, counting them each as they pass occupies the mind with simplicity, repetition, and rhythm—all things that help lull you to sleep. Perhaps you can develop your own mundane ritual. Some people count backward from 1,000, or imagine they’re mowing the lawn, passing back and forth, back and forth, slipping into slumber with each imaginary blade of grass passing under foot. Focusing on the mundane allows your body to relax and helps you fall into sleep instead of staying keyed up with things you can’t change or let go.  

There’s no right or wrong way to fantasize about boring things. Experiment until you find something that works for you, and as you practice the mundane, stay at ease.

Some sleep problems can be attributed to medical conditions like thyroid problems. If the problem does not go away after trying other sleep methods, you may want to contact your physician.

#2 Exercise

Extensive studies have revealed a great deal about the benefits of regular, moderate exercise. You may be surprised how strongly mental and physical discipline run hand-in-hand. The goal of therapy is for you to become a healthier person, and being that you’re seeing a mental health professional, a strong emphasis will naturally be placed on improving your mental health, but in order to be successful and secure lasting results, your physical body must come along for the ride.

How can exercise help my depression? It’s hard to believe, but recent reports say antidepressant prescribing has soared as high as 400% since 1988. One out of every ten people over the age of twelve now takes some kind medication for depression. Unfortunately, in many cases such medications are the only mental healthcare people ever receive. Over the past couple generations, pills have been handed out more and more like candy, as other valuable methods like the Big Four have been pushed to the back burner, while easier alternatives are developed in the form of tablets and capsules. If you suffer from severe depression, medication is likely your best way to progress toward mental stability, but if you suffer from mild or moderate depression, it may be worth exploring another, more natural and time-tested method rather than—or in addition to—antidepressants.

You may be surprised to know that clinical trials have shown the effects of exercise to be a rival to antidepressants in the treatment of depression, showing the same rate of improvement, and in some cases even surpassing them. These results are being embraced by a growing number of mental health professionals and physicians who now encourage exercise in treating people with anxiety, depression, and eating disorders. Some examples are:

  • Studies have shown that ten months of consistent, moderate exercise have out performed some leading antidepressants in reducing symptoms of major depressive disorder (MDD).
  • Studies have shown that thirty-minute workouts done three times a week cut symptoms of depression by 50% in young adults.
  • Daily, thirty-minute, walks have been seen to reduce symptoms even faster than some leading antidepressants, especially in older adults.

The benefits are clear, the side effects are less, and both exercise and antidepressants stimulate the body to alleviate depression in much the same way. Here’s how:

  • Both antidepressants and exercise increase chemicals in your brain called neurotransmitters, specifically norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine. In fact, research indicates that the very root of depression comes from insufficient amounts of norepinephrine and serotonin, or an imbalance between these two types of neurotransmitters.
  • Both antidepressants and exercise improve neurochemistry by promoting neurogenesis (the birth of new brain cells).

It’s imperative you talk with your counselor and physician about any new physical activities and/or exercise programs to find a safe routine that works not only to enhance your physical health, but to also stimulate an improved outlook on life. Also, don’t assume exercise is the only treatment you require. Be candid with your doctor about whether or not you’re a good candidate for antidepressants if you’re not already on them. If you’re currently taking medication for depression, do not make any changes without the direction of your physician and mental health professional.

How can exercise help my anxiety? All dog owners have experienced a similar scenario: you come home after a long, hard day at work. Your feet are throbbing and your mind is set on one goal—kicking back and relaxing. You slide your key into your front door lock, but something doesn’t seem quite right. Usually your dog comes running to the sound of your jingling keys, but not this time. The house is quiet. You shudder as you anticipate what’s on the other side of the door. You crack open the door and peek in. Your assumptions were correct: chewed up shoes and couch cushions are spread all about your living room floor, tiny shreds of toilet paper and soggy bits that used to be the cardboard tube are scattered all over, and your dog is nowhere to be seen. Why is he hiding? It’s because he knows he’s in deep trouble. As you gaze across the room in disapproval, you can almost imagine what must have been going through your dog’s mind as he was doing this. He knew his destruction was unacceptable—proven by the fact he’s hiding—but even still, he just couldn’t help himself. Why? His acting out was the result of anxiety.

Anxiety leads to an excess of nervous energy that must be released. In fact, it will be released one way or another, but when this energy builds up faster than the body can release it, your state of mind becomes toxic. Imagine your body expelling nervous energy like it flushes out waste of any kind. Dead cells are discharged after blood is filtered through the kidneys. In much the same way, your body ousts anxious energy by fidgeting, and increasing your heart rate and blood pressure. When you become extremely upset, you may release the surplus by crying, trembling, increasing respiratory rate, hyperventilating, undergoing panic attacks, or acting on mood swings. The problem is your innate physical responses are often not enough, and only lead to a build up of tension and anxiety.

If your dog is acting out by chewing on furniture or being aggressive, the first thing an obedience trainer will tell you is to take Fido for a walk, or put him on a treadmill everyday because the trainer knows your dog needs to expel energy, and will anyway it can—better at a dog park than in your living room while you’re away. “Man’s best friends” aren’t much different than their masters in this regard. If a dog is cooped up, eventually it will act out. In the same way, keeping yourself cooped up physically and emotionally will lead to negative behaviors, painful bodily tension, and poor decision-making.

In times of mental unrest and/or physical tension, you may need to aid your body in its attempt to purge nervous waste. Walking, aerobics, stretching, weight training, basketball, dancing—it doesn’t matter. Find a physical activity you enjoy, and turn to it anytime you notice nervous excess. You don’t need a gym to exercise. When anxiety and tension surface, find a private place to do jumping jacks, pushups, or run in place—anything to increase your heart and respiratory rates and burn calories to exhaust and bring the body and mind to a rested state. The point is to move. Be active. It’s definitely worth a shot because it might just improve how you feel and think.

Make sure you talk to your counselor and physician to confirm if you’re fit to participate in any new physical activities.

#3 Nutrition

In the 1970’s and 1980’s, studies were actively done, documenting nutritional therapies for the treatment of mental disorders, although many of these studies were discontinued due to lack of funding. In the decades since, nutritional therapies have been pushed aside as pharmaceutical companies directed more of their attention and money to investigating synthetic drugs they could patent and sell. Consumer interest, however, has shifted over the past few years, seeking more natural and holistic therapies. Due to the demand, nutritional therapy is once again growing in acceptance with mental health professionals, supported by a resurgence of clinical studies published daily on the positive effects of improved diet and dietary supplements.

A proper diagnosis and treatment plan should be the first tactic when regarding mental disorders, although you, the client, need to be proactive about the type of therapy you wish to receive. Perhaps synthetic medication is your preference. If not, nutritional therapy may be a better fit for your lifestyle—as long as your counselor and physician concur.

Studies have shown that deficiencies of essential vitamins, minerals, amino acids, and omega-3 fatty acids can contribute to mental disorders. In many cases, simply adding daily supplements and eating better may effectively reduce symptoms, and based on emerging scientific evidence, this type of holistic therapy may be appropriate for controlling a number of disorders, including major depression, anxiety disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, eating disorders, addiction, and attention deficit disorder/attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADD/ADHD).

A handful of fun facts:

  • Researchers have observed an increase in mental health disorders in connection to a deterioration of the Western Diet.
  • Studies show that populations with high fish consumption (a diet high in omega-3 fatty acid intake) have a low frequency of mental disorders.
  • The most common nutritional deficiencies that contribute to mental disorders are omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, minerals, and amino acids that are foundations of the neurotransmitters norepinephrine, serotonin, and dopamine.
  • Omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and magnesium deficiencies have been linked to depression.

Some things are just common sense. Since your early years in elementary school, you’ve been taught how to eat a balanced, healthy diet. You know that processed foods are bad for you; you shouldn’t turn to food for comfort from stress; you shouldn’t overeat; too much caffeine is bad for you; you should eat a healthy breakfast everyday; chicken and fish are better for you than red meat; you shouldn’t eat fast food every meal; etc.

The point of this section on nutrition is simply to educate and hopefully encourage you to consider how you eat, not to develop dietary/nutritional plans. Let your mental health professional, physician, or nutritionist set up a nutritional plan that’s tailor made for what you’re going through, and do not begin any new diets or take any supplements without consulting with them first. But on the flipside, eating better is never a bad idea. Making good decisions about what you put in your body could enhance your life for years to come, both mentally and physically.

#4 Recreation

Recreation—defined as a pastime, diversion, or exercise affording relaxation and enjoyment—is an essential element of the human experience, and can be just about any activity. Everyone has something they love to do, something where problems seem to disappear. The downside for most people is a lack of hours in the day to do enjoyable things, and this is a travesty considering just how important recreation is to mental and physical well-being, even if only a little “me time” is devoted two or three times a week.

Before you move on to the next paragraph, pause for a second. What’s your favorite hobby or past time? What do you do to cast your cares aside temporarily? What makes you laugh or smile? What makes time seem to stand still?  Whatever it is, keep it in mind as you progress through the rest of this section. Maybe you were reminded of something fun you did when you were younger, and are considering picking it back up. If you just now realized you actually have no recreational activity of choice, it’s time to consider exploring your options. Perhaps the next few paragraphs will bring something to mind.

Is laughter really the best medicine? You’ve certainly heard the adage, “Laughter is the best medicine.” This saying has been around for ages, long before the medical community began taking interest in the actual healing power of a good time. People have always understood that laughter is a cure-all—lightening burdens, inspiring hope, and bringing together people of all types with its universal language—but now medical science can show us why.

Laughter significantly decreases stress levels and stimulates dopamine—a neurotransmitter known as the “feel good chemical”—that reduces depression, as well as improves memory and motor control. 

  • Laughter strengthens your immune system, boosts energy, diminishes pain, and protects you from the harmful effects associated with long-term stress. 
  • Boisterous laughter relieves tension in your body, relaxing muscles for up to forty-five minutes after.
  • Laughter activates the release of endorphins that promote a general sense of well-being.
  • Laughter increases blood flow and the proficiency of blood vessels.

With so much power to heal, a sense of humor and the ability to laugh is a tremendous advantage during troubling times. This is too easily forgotten when life comes down strong enough to drive you to counseling. As difficult as it is to believe at times, you have to know that laughter is your birthright—perhaps the most innate gift of life. Newborn babies begin smiling and laughing only a few short weeks outside the womb. It’s something you are born to do and intended to continue throughout your days. Even in the most difficult times, simple moments when you let go of pain and laugh a little can go a long way, allowing you to see your condition more clearly in a less threatening light.

What do I do if laughter is hard to come by these days? Seek it out. Watch a funny movie or television show, preferably with at least one friend or loved one, as laughter is contagious and easier to get lost in with other people around. Examples of group activities would be visiting a comedy club, hosting game night, going to a karaoke club, participating in team sports, and playing with children. You may need to set aside time and energy to seek out a good time, even if it seems like a chore at first. It’s like anything else that takes work to see results. You have to commit to exercising on a regular basis before you notice changes in your body, just as you must do with studying to increase knowledge. It may be hard initially, but diligently pursuing opportunities to laugh is key to improving your outlook on life.  Eventually with practice, enjoyment will become second nature, incorporated into the very fabric of your life.

What about hobbies? “What would you do if you had a million dollars?” This is a common question asked by school counselors everyday, but it’s actually a great way to find out your hobby of choice. By definition, a hobby is something you do for enjoyment that isn’t what you do for a living. It’s an enjoyable activity you would do all the time if money were taken out of the equation to stimulate your mind, body, or both.

You’ve already learned, and will continually be reminded in this book, that a healthy mind is dependent on a health body, and vice versa. It’s a balancing act. If your hobby is playing basketball, going out dancing at a nightclub, or doing any other physical exertion on a regular basis, feel free to reference theExercise” section above as a reminder on how the brain is affected by frequent physical activity. 

Other hobbies add a different take on the word “exercise”. Just as physical activities keep your body strong and limber, mental activities—ones that require problem-solving and memory recall—keep your mind sharp and agile. Without something to encourage mental stimulation, your brain can atrophy, as would muscles that get little use. This can lead to a fall in cognitive function regardless of age. Such mental exercises include:

  • Working puzzles
  • Traveling
  • Reading books and writing
  • Playing cards, checkers, chess, crosswords, bingo, board games like scrabble, and other games that require thought
  • Stamp or coin collecting
  • Restoring old cars and antiques
  • Woodworking and metalworking
  • Doing crafts like painting, drawing, or ceramics

If you love something, chances are someone else loves it too. Why not seek out like-minded people who share your passion? Adding social interaction to a hobby is a double whammy for both the mind and body, not to mention it will increase your odds of enjoying the positive effects of laughing with others. In fact, studies have even linked strong, regular social ties to lower blood pressure and longer life expectancy, as well as boosting cognitive functioning, memory, and intellectual performance. This just goes to show: people are good medicine too.

Just because sleep, exercise, nutrition, and recreation are lumped together as “The Big Four” doesn’t mean they need to be treated as one overarching homework assignment. Instead, treat each one individually—the Big Four broken up into “four smaller 1’s”—and don’t be afraid to take baby steps. Pick one you feel you can currently take on, and actively work on it. As you gain ground in one area, others are bound to fall in line. There are lots of things you can do to improve mental health and reduce stress, but the biggest bang for the buck is going to come from the Big Four.